The White Stripes News on Yahoo! Music

The White Stripes News on Yahoo! Music

Lets just say that there is no way in the world that I would ever watch a Meg White sex tape. First, as I've said before, I'm pretty sure Meg is retarded. Second, I don't think she is remotely attractive.

CBC.ca Arts - White Stripes cancel 18 U.S. tour dates

CBC.ca Arts - White Stripes cancel 18 U.S. tour dates

I guess this article wasn't a shock to me. As I've said before, Meg White is probably retarded. My theory is that because she's retarded, Jack is forced to step up his game while performing therefore making the White Stripes the best band in the last ten years.

But my question is this, couldn't Jack keep touring with some random drummers? Better yet, couldn't he get that device Howie Day used on his first tour. It was some sort of fancy tape machine where he play a chord or make a sound and the machine would then repeat it over and over until he stopped it. It's hard to explain, but it made for a terrific show.

The reason I say this is not for the fear of my tickets getting canceled, but because I don't want another Racantours CD. I have one, and that's all I need. I'm worried Jack will get bored and start making a CD with those guys.

Aaron and Kris Update

Because my fans were dying for more on Aaron and Kris, I figured I'd put something out there.

First a little back ground on Aaron. He's the Sam Malone of my friends. I wouldn't go so far as to call him a man whore, but he's probably dated as many people as Kristine did on Seinfeld. Which according to my math is near the triple digits. Oh yeah, and 80 percent of them looked exactly like this girl on the right.


For him, short blonde's are like guacamole at a party. Salsa and queso are good, but when its there, he'll always go for the guacamole. He's always ended up being a relationship guy, but not long term relationship guy. 8 to 16 months is about their limit.

But I got to hand it to him, even after all the different girl friends, he's still a romantic. Most new girl friends start with a story about how great they are and how they have a bunch in common which is usually music and sex. He takes most of them to meet his mom at some point and lavishes most of them far more than I'd ever.

Now a little update on Kris. I guess she is married, but separated and has a daughter. Last I heard she was some computer programmer or some crap. I'll always remember her as the bartender who put tequila in my long island.

So now I know what your judgemental ass is thinking, why is she chasing after Aaron when she's married and has a kid. First, Aaron does pretty well for himself and he's never been afraid to drop a little cash on just about anything. Second, why wouldn't she? If my previous blog proved anything, its that she's a little crazy. Not like 'I'm going to hurt someone' crazy, but crazy like 'I think he loves me' crazy. Sort of like Nicole Kidman.

So Aaron says he going to hold out and not 'get back together' with Kris. Which is entirely possible as long as she doesn't see him at the bar and start crying again. But the longer he goes with out a girlfriend the more likely they are to hook back up.

Aaron and Kris

My best friend Aaron has what some might call and on off again relationship. It started sometime in 1998 or 1999 and is pretty much still going on. Kris, the girl, was a bartender at this bar, 'The G' we went to all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean anytime they were open, we were there.

We had been going there for awhile and eventually, Aaron and Kris started dating on some level. It wasn't like one of those 'he looked into my eyes' relationships. It was more like, 'since were the only two straight people here, we might as well have sex' types of relationships. Kris was a really nice chic. A fag hag, but a pretty nice gal. She always hooked me up with drinks and never got upset if I tried to grab her ass*. Aaron was convinced she could take me in a fight since she was 5'10" 155.

There relationship was meant for Dr Phil. The whole thing consisted of Kris ignoring Aaron while other people were around, Aaron leaving the club pissed off and Kris calling him around 4:00 when she was off work to apologize, than finally come over and sleep with him. Aaron would go to work the next day, bitch about how tired he was, brag about the great sex, and do it again the next day. Hurrah Air Force!

That went on for some time. Aaron always had a plan to break it off. One time he was actually able to carry it out for a short period. He gave a well prepared break up speech and ended it. He said he just couldn't handle the drama anymore. Which is total bullshit. Aaron loves drama more than any dude I've ever met. A day or two later, Kris saw him at the bar and approached him with tears in her eyes, giving him every reason in the world to take her back. Giving him the whole 'your the best thing in my life' BS. Well, that was enough to make Aaron crack. "What was I gonna say?" Aaron asked me a couple of days later, to which I responded " Are you done yet? No, really, are you done?" But Aaron's a sucker for some tears and the chance at some steady ass, so they were back together that night.

I can't remember which one left Fairbanks first, but eventually they both left. Aaron moved to KC and then to Tampa. Kris moved to where ever crazy chicks move to, which in this case is to where ever Aaron was living at that time.

At some point Kris tracked Aaron down in New England. She got a boob job and lost a few pounds and of course Aaron couldn't resist himself. Well that wonderful meeting in New England led to one of the most pathetic agreements ever "If were not married by the time were 40, lets get married."

If you are a man and are not married or engaged, please understand this, marriage is extremely important to women. Its important to men as well, but we don't think about what tux we are going to wear or what color dresses our bridesmaids are going to wear. Women know this shit, and its important to them. And the moment they tell you its not, tell them they are lying.

Anyways, after the agreement, it gave Kris the green light to follow Aaron where ever he went to ensure that he didn't get married before he was 40.

She would eventually move to Florida. In an extremely bold move she asked Aaron if she could stay at his place while she found a place to live. The catch? Aaron had an extremely jealous girlfriend (who, according to doctors, was much crazier than Kris) who wasn't really pumped about Kris moving into Aaron's house. So that situation lasted for a couple of weeks until Aaron's girl friend nixed it.

Kris moved out, but stayed in Tampa for awhile, but gave up when Aaron wouldn't let go of his girlfriend or really give her the time of day.

But now, Kris is back! She has moved back to the Tampa area. Only 7 years left until her wedding day. Oh, and what a wedding it will be.

*Alicia, this was way before we met.

Week 2 College football/NFL kickoff

Oh yeah!! Who's ready to gamble? It's on now. I'm not worried about Wal-Mart, GW or Darfur. I'm only thinking about making some money. The first week of College FB started off really well. Now you add NFL to the mix and take it to the next level.

Week 2 in college football is like drinking your second beer. You have that nice little buzz, and you actually start to convince yourself that if you could spend your whole life like this you would be much more effective. But unfortunately, your perception is probably a little skewed. You start thinking about 'how is this team going to react' or 'this teams fans will be really rough on them after the loss'. That stuff is great and all, but most of these kids are basically paid athletes. They've had assholes like me yelling at them since they were 9. Concentrate on the match ups and let the other stuff fall as it may.

Whats better than week 1 in the NFL? Can it get any easier? You don't need to spend 3 hours reading a injury report because any coach with a brain protects the shit out of his key guys. But as a gambler how can't you be excited to see a team like Pittsburgh go in to Cleavland as a 4 point favorite? Seriously, 4 points when Charlie 'Biggie Size' Frye is the starting QB?

Here are my games of the week:

VT -14 @ LSU I think LSU is really good. But even at home, 14 is an assload of points against a very good and extremely well coached Virginia Tech team. Pretty much everyone I know is taking LSU, so as far as I'm concerned, this is a lock.

Alabama - 3.5@ Vanderbilt I have a hard-on for the tide this year. I really think they have a good team. Vandy is probably tougher than I think, but I'm smelling a shut out.

Steelers -4 @ Cle Really? Who made this line? Which position on Cleavland is better than the same position on Pitt? ESPN said that Cle has the better linebackers. What? Isn't Pittsburgh the team that has basically reinvented their linebackers year after year? This game won't be close.